This Betrayal
by MidnightUnderMoonlight
Summary: For the reason that, in all her life, all she ever wanted was to be wanted. Nami's thoughts on the moments before she writes her letter and departs from Thousand Sunny. A 'what if' scenario for Movie 10. MAY contain spoilers, but who's to say? ONE SHOT.


_**(A/N): Another 15 minute little drabble from me. Actually, it took more time to edit this thing than to write it. Figures. But I also wrote it just to show you that, no, I'm not dead. LOL. And, yes, it deals with the tenth movie again. (I seriously can not wait for that to come out.) You should search for the trailer on YouTube if you don't know about this movie, since I do make a reference to one of the scenes in it. These are Nami's last thoughts before writing the letter and leaving the Thousand Sunny.**_

Nakama.

What a strange and funny word. And yet it brought with it the weight of the entire world on her shoulders.

They've saved her a countless amount of times. And she'd come to rely on their power and monstrous talents. And why wouldn't she? They pulled through, time after time, again and again. She trusted them with her life. And in return, they trusted her with theirs.

Oh, the irony.

* * *

The day she left them a second time was much worst than the first. It wasn't simply because it was the second time she'd betrayed them. It was more the reason behind the departure. A reason that was much darker and much more painful. A reason that she knew would bring the downfall of her reputation…and possibly even her life.

She had told them to dock on the small island. Kicked them off the ship, screaming at them to get more supplies and to investigate what kind of island this was. She'd even muttered to Robin that she needed some alone time on board, so she could work on her maps.

"I'll stay behind and watch over Thousand Sunny," was what she'd said.

And they didn't doubt her. They didn't question her. They just accepted.

"I shall keep you company!" Brook offered.

"No!" she'd exclaimed, perhaps too quickly and too loudly. "Go into town, Brook. Enjoy yourself."

"Ah, well you see…" there had been a sheepish underlying with his voice. "I don't think this town will take in too lightly the sight of a walking skeleton."

She remembered being frustrated, but she'd given in, knowing that she couldn't argue with him without giving herself away. She just needed to make sure he was not around when she made her move.

So Brook stayed with her on the ship.

"I shall play you a soothing and relaxing tune while you work!" he had announced happily, as he waltz away with his violin under his chin.

She'd smiled at their newest member, despite herself and her situation.

Brook, so caring and unwavering. And such a strong belief in the bonds of friendship. He didn't deserve to see what she was about to do, for his eyes had only seen the love and loyalty between crewmates until then.

And as her nakamas got off the ship, one by one, she watched them carefully. Taking in every curve of their face, every movement of their body, every flicker of their eyes…acting like it really would be the last time she saw them (though she knew fully well it wouldn't be).

Franky left with heavy wave and teary eyes, claiming he wanted to see the local town's shipwright station and get supplies to fix the mysterious tiny leak on his precious Thousand Sunny.

"And I need to get more Cola, too." He'd immediately perked up just thinking about the fizzy fuel drink.

Strong, yet unbelievably sensitive, the cyborg, too, along with Brook, hadn't received much conversation time with her. But he'd been with them long enough to know what kind of person she was. What kind of person he _thought_ she was.

"_You're very sharp, aren't you?" Franky noted, seeing the maps and calculations piles on her desk._

_Nami grinned. "Of course. What kind of navigator would I be if I weren't?"_

If he'd known what she was doing, he'd take back that comment.

Usopp and Chopper departed together, claiming they wanted to look at the toy shop they'd seen when they passed by.

"Did you know that I - the _great_ Usopp - invented the first ever known hipping-hopping toy?"

Chopper's eyes were wide with stars. "Wow! Really?…What's a hipping-hopping toy?"

Usopp commenced to demonstrate.

And she couldn't help the small grin that tugged her lips at the interaction between the two. Usopp's hysterical stories and Chopper's infectious innocence caused a stinging twinge in her chest.

Usopp, the one person on the ship she could count on to understand how she felt. They were both the weakest of the crew, but what they lacked in strength, they made up for in their other abilities. And Chopper…sweet, sweet Chopper. She'd never told him before, but she had always considered the little doctor as a younger brother. And now he would never know.

"We'll get you something pretty, Nami!" Chopper said, an adorable grin gracing his face.

Robin was next, stopping beside her before leaving. "Are sure you don't want to go? I could stay behind and watch the ship."

And then there was Robin's enigmatic, but always thoughtful, personality. She was practically a big sister to Nami - a kind of substitute for Nojiko's hostile affections.

"No," she'd said, mustering a smile. "I really do need to get things done."

Robin's gaze burned a hole through her, and for a split second, Nami was certain that she _knew_.

'_You're going to run away, aren't you?_' That was the look Robin had given. A look that told Nami the archeologist saw right through her façade.

The signature graceful smile appeared on Robin once again, and she left without further ado.

Sanji bolted after Robin. "Wait for me, my dear Robin! I shall accompany you!"

He skidded to a halt in front of Nami. "Unless, of course, you want me to accompany _you_ my beautiful Nami? Because you always come first."

The lovecook was too much of a gentlemen. He showered her with compliments and if she hadn't known any better, she would of guessed that he really _did_ love her.

'_But would he love me after this…?_'

"You need to buy more food, Sanji-kun."

It didn't occur to her until just then that she'd always used 'kun' when it came to him. It wasn't because he was anything special…but then, why? Was it simply because he called her 'Nami-san'? Was she really just returning the favor? Or was it because she knew he was the only member on the crew who would turn the world inside out to look for her if she were out of their sight for more than two minutes?

Zoro grunted at that moment. "Get moving, swirly-browed freak."

Pirate hunter Zoro.

She'd joined up with Luffy the about the same time Zoro had. They were the firsts. And they had both hated pirates with a passion before meeting Luffy. She would always have a history with the swordsman. He was rude, obnoxious, stubborn…really, he was the male equivalent of her.

Nami couldn't help the feeling of self-reproach that clawed at her when she watched Zoro nod in her direction before jump off the ship, for she knew that there was still a tiny part of him (a _right_ part of him) that never truly trusted her after the Arlong fiasco. Something in her gut told her that whatever was going to happen after she walked out on them would either be a make or break situation when it came to her friendship with Zoro.

A red and yellow blur bounded past her, following Zoro's shadow.

Luffy's excitement and bright smile was tattooed in her mind . Fists pumped into the air at the thrill of exploring a new island and the possibility of a new adventure (oh, how right he would be).

"See you later, Nami!" He'd called to her as he leapt off the deck.

And watching her captain leave was perhaps the hardest. Because she knew…she knew he would be the one to fight again. He'd be the one to believe in her. Him and his twisted hero complex would get in the way, and he'd try to save her because he'd think she needed saving. She was his navigator, after all. But right before that, he would offer her - quite forcibly - to his hat. The hat. Why was it always the hat?

Maybe because he was familiar with the sacrifice. Hadn't Shanks sacrificed his arm to save Luffy? Hadn't she sacrificed her morals and her freedom to save her village? The hat represented his treasure. And he trusted Nami with his treasure - both in the literal and figurative sense.

But then, at that moment…

Her heart broke taking in how oblivious he was.

"See you later, Luffy…"

It came out as barely a whisper.

She sighed sadly.

This betrayal would not turn out well.

* * *

_Don't come after me._

How foolish of her.

She'd actually written that line. She'd done it without a second thought. It just came naturally to her. And leaving the ship quietly, hearing the faint sounds of Brook's violin, she almost laughed. That had to have been the stupidest thing she'd ever done. Of course they were going to come after her. How could they not? Didn't they fight tooth and nail to free her from the slave work and abuse of Arlong? Didn't they push themselves above the limit to help Vivi and her country? And Robin…they were an inch away from death when they rescued her.

It was only right that they followed her.

And she would be waiting for them. The feeling scared her, though. She wasn't just expecting them to go after her, she _wanted _them to. In spite of the practical side of her mind that screamed 'no', she _needed_ them to show up.

For the reason that, in all her life, all she ever wanted was to be wanted.

Then the Strawhats formed, and she realized, with all the vex and happiness in the world, that she wasn't wanted.

She was needed.

The question was, now, as she walked away…_did she need them?_


End file.
